Neuro Engineering Institute

Where has the Romance gone?

admin — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 02:38:55 +0000

As a Coach I’ve had many opportunities to hear from men and women that they desire more romance in their lives.
Married or single the Art of Romance seems to have lost it’s sizzle.
For many years I Coached Couples; helping them re discover or perhaps discover the passion in their marriage, and build a foundation for a strong partnership.

This really is two Blog topics so in this particular blog I’ll address chivalry or the lack thereof.

I think many of the ‘rules’ have been forgotten and lost with the advancement of an ever changing world. Men don’t know what is expected of them, and women have become accustomed to accepting less so the spiral continues downward.

Here are some ‘basic’ dating rules that would ensure romance stays in the picture:
1) Men, ask the women out. This is not to say women can’t do the asking, but it kills the courtship…men are wired to be hunters/gatherers…let them hunt.
2) CALL the woman to ask her out. NO texting until the relationship is SOLID. Once a guy asked me out in an email, and I said no…I don’t date guys that ask me out in emails. He became so angry that everytime I see him at social events he is rude….good thing I didn’t date him, huh!
3) Pick the woman up! If you are a woman and afraid to give the guy your home address…that might be a RED FLAG that you shouldn’t date him!!
4)Guys, send flowers after…if you are interested in persuing this girl and getting to know her better..flowers are a great investment.
5) Guys pick up the check until a relationship is established, the sharing the costs is fine.
6)Ladies…be respectful and order only within a budget you’d order if you were paying…it’s rude to take advantage of the guy!
7) Ladies…be GRACIOUS! No bitchy attitudes…he owes you NOTHING so be grateful that he is generous. Be kind, and treat him as you would like him to treat you!
The Golden Rule NEVER goes out of style.
9) Guys, call the NEXT day! What’s cool about waiting?! That’s immature and shreiks volumes about your maturity level.
10) Ladies, say thank you! Thanks for dinner, thanks for a lovely evening, thanks for the flowers…a thank you card would a very nice gesture.
11) Guys and gals…be on time
12) PDA’s OFF and AWAY. No need to have them on the dinner table buzzing away with emails and text messages, much less phone calls. Unless you are a single parent of a child that needs to reach you, then ALL electronics are OFF limits.
13) Need I say more?

Round Table Facilitation at Offshore Wind Executive Forum

admin — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 02:27:15 +0000

The most exclusive gathering of maritime managers in offshore wind! There will be several guests from the United States of America eager to learn from the European experience and to make new business contacts and offer their services. US government supported finance of new built vessels will be one of the issues we can expect to be on the table.

As a special guest we like to announce the attendance of Mrs.Deborah Peters from Los Angeles, CA. Mrs. Peters runs her ‘Institute of Change’ and helps companies finding new ways to resolve problems and demonstrates ways of thinking ahead of the crowd. We are very pleased that Deborah will join this exclusive gathering and help us with guiding you through the event! We hope that we can get new impulses from her for the challenges ahead of us!

Women, Money and Power

admin — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 16:46:47 +0000

The concept of Women, Money and Power is not new. WE, women, have been driving at it for some time. Generations, Decades, Centuries.

Take my name sake for example; Deborah in biblical times was a General. She rallied the troops (men) and commanded them to victory ~ and she fought along side of them.
Interestingly enough she doesn’t get much play in either version of the bible. The Torah gives much more space to Deborah’s talents and accomplishments.
In the Torah – Judges IV – Deborah was a Prophet. She sat under the Fig tree and the people came to her for advice.

Women, Women in positions of Power, Authority, and Knowledge.
If it’s been going on for eons; (Deborah was hot around 1125 B.C.) then what’s NOT happening now?
A lot!
Let me share an experience I had with you not too long ago.
I’ve been a professional speaker since 1992 and have delivered customized Keynote speeches in over nine countries around the world.
I stopped speaking for free in the mid 90’s and my current Keynote fee is $12,500 to give you some scope of how hard I’ve worked to develop my talent.
In the professional speaking world; you can’t get a speaker bureau to represent you unless you’ve been commanding at least $5K for a 45 minute Keynote.
So, in the grand scheme of the industry $12,500 is decent but hardly celebrity status.
As part of my firm’s Suite of Services; we teach seminars on various Professional Development skills and tools and one of my participants asked me to provide a talk to her Professional Women’s Group.
The topic in particular; was to be on Women, Money and Power. Her group is a non-profit organization to a specific industry with a small budget for such events. She offered me a stipend of between $500 and $600.
This, combined with the networking/marketing opportunities would make my time worth while ~ I typically get most of my clients from being the expert delivering from the front of the room.
It was also my way of contributing to her growth and development; which for my clients I am delighted to do.
The usual follow up 48-24 hours prior to the event for last minute details revealed they were not willing to deliver on their commitment to pay the stipend. We had settled on $500.
I had this event on my calendar for several weeks, had spent several hours knocking out the right language for the topic so that suited the Executives of the group and several more hours writing and developing the contents of the talk; including the interactive portion they requested.
Their response was they didn’t have the budget and that I should go ahead and do the talk for free in hopes that I gained business from the talk.
I put my Coaching hat on when my client delivered this news and suggested she go back to her Board Members and help them get perspective.
There is so much wrong with this that I’m not certain where to begin. You must know that the purpose of inviting me to deliver such a topic was due to the frustration of the women members with hitting the “glass ceiling” in their corporate careers and typically loosing out to their male counterparts. I recommended she start with something like this:
So, are you suggesting that we are not willing to pay a WOMAN to deliver the tools we need on a topic about WOMEN, POWER and MONEY and that we, at the 12th hour (or ever for that matter) expect her to deliver FREE a service that is the basis of her entire career/business?
Is it any wonder that this is the topic they need(ed) the most?
Let me unpack this issue for you:
Had I subjugated myself and gone forward this is what would have happened:

I would have sent them a direct message that I wasn’t worth being paid for my time/talent/expertise
That they could indeed, display such bad behavior and sad business ethics and it was acceptable
That it’s ok to work for free
That they are right in asking for less, expecting less and accepting less
That THEY aren’t worth it – whatever IT might be – Money, Power, Success, FREEDOM
That my message was meaningless; I didn’t really mean what I had to say
That we as Professional women can treat other Professional women with disrespect
That I should let them determine my worth
That I was weak and would roll over and let them take advantage of me
And, most importantly, I would be telling me/the Universe/God that I wasn’t worth it; that my work, talent, gifts and business were not worth being honored by fair an equitable payment

Their tact was, it’s ok if you don’t wish to speak for free; we are willing to cancel the event.
Is this the best you’ve got? You avoid taking responsibility for blowing me off, badly I might add, given the topic of the speech. Is this your best out?
Using this experience as a Coaching tool for my client was brilliant. It became more about her in that moment than anything because her greatest issue in her business is getting paid for what she is worth.
My understanding based upon the career trajectory of the other members; this issue runs as a thread among them. Do you suppose this is why they wiggled out of having me address such a chaffing topic?
Looking in the mirror at one’s inadequacies is never a great ball of fun.
When I suggested this to my client; that she go back to her Board in a quick and swift conference call and get them to the table I could feel her shrinking on the other end of the phone.
This was now revealing itself as another great fear – owning her power among her peers. It appears to me they were all supporting one another in being small and subscribing to the concept of the struggle and the glass ceiling.
Here was a group of well educated, C level Executive Women with (I would hope) six figure salaries and between them they couldn’t chip in $50 – $100 each to pay my small stipend so they could gain the greatest tools possible to help them own their power in their careers?
The sucking sound on the other end of the phone from her hyperventilating was overwhelming! This pushed her biggest self worth button of all time. What would they think, say, or do, if she were so bold as to not only request but orchestrate some accountability and insist they each chip in the cost of a decent dinner and a glass of wine to fund my fee.
Unfortunately for all, they weren’t capable of stepping up to the plate; I say of course, with great sadness.
To digress for a moment, if I were a man coming to speak, I highly doubt there would have EVER been an issue following through on payment.
Is it any wonder Women have issues with Money and Power – getting it, keeping it and most importantly empowering other women to get it!
This really is the real issue. And it’s the basis for the talk I had prepared to deliver.
You see Women function from a different neurology than men do. It’s not better and it’s not worse ~ it just is what it is.
And it is worth looking at because observing the differences in the genders and HOW they think provides great value.
There is a great deal at play. Mostly, programming and conditioning.
This is shown in a multitude of ways. For example men work together and help one another ascend in life. It’s very common for men to function much like a fraternity or band of brothers throughout life helping one another get to the next level.
Now, before you argue how they also can be very competitive and cut throat; let me just say that goes without saying and is a given. It can be nasty, dirty and yet somehow it is just business.
We all know that exists. My point is this; through my many years of Coaching top level performers around the world in high ranking positions that have typically been men; they’ve all managed to surround themselves with other men that prop them up.
Recently watching a Joel Osteen sermon he speaks to this; don’t just surround yourself with people that are merely WITH you; rather, surround yourself with people that are FOR you.
What we may all not realize is that by cutting someone off/down, they are in essence doing it to themselves.
The male gender is brilliant at lifting one another up – rallying around the up and comer with the right introductions to the right people at the right time – and then advising the young whipper snapper on how to maximize the opportunities.
They provide funding, support, guidance, encouragement and a swift kick in the pants if needed.
This is a process that has been fostered, nurtured and encouraged for multitudes of generations. So much so it’s become a Neurology.
We can only grow and expand in outward experience to the degree that our internal paradigm allows.
The more we foster and fuel a particular pattern and program in our minds and hearts the more it becomes us until it is us.
From there it shoots out like a sonar attracting to us that which is in alignment with it.
As men have fostered this concept of a helping hand up for centuries – the boys are born with it….this is the edge they have.
It has literally developed their Ajna/Third Eye over time to be most useful in application of achieving that which they go after.
The Third Eye – this command and summoning center – the Eye of Intuition, the ability to see the future possibilities – to focus in and zero in on what’s next and a connection to the Pineal Gland – the gland of the Endocrine System = Fire.
This can be developed for any gender – yet women haven’t as a mass done so over generations/life times.
This more polished neurology shall we say, is very advantageous in taking action on that which is desired…imagine the exponential possibilities when done so throughout the generations for a whole gender.
The Sense Organ/Action Organ of the Pineal/Ajna is a very useful neurology in success on the material plane.
Where women have a tendency to compete with one another and feel threatened by other successful women, and even hold one another back, men consider the success of a prodigy to be a compliment.
For example – a beautiful woman looking stunning will walk into a room and most of the women will find a fault in her – wrong color lipstick, did you see her hair, or that awful handbag etc. Only a few women will admire and compliment her command of attention.
A well appointed handsome man walks into a room and is received with revere and awe of the power he commands.
Basic differences in the wiring.
So as we address the concept of the glass ceiling in career growth – is it a dying paradigm?
How much of it is supported as much by women as it is by men?
Is it the women who hold the women down and back from their next level of success?
How much of it is a projection of our internal program – projecting into the world that gender is the divide when it comes to Money and Power?
Deborah Peters is Founder of Neuro Engineering Institute; a Master Trainer in Neuro Linguistic Programming, a Business Coach, a Professional Speaker and a Mentalist based in Los Angeles and working Internationally. You can reach her at Blog@nei-mind.com

Take off your (Rose Colored) glasses…and see whom you really are

admin — Fri, 27 May 2011 09:29:36 +0000

I’ve often considered personal development as a process of removing the rose colored glasses that we look through to live our lives …one pair at a time.

There are many many pairs lined up ‘shading’ us from seeing who we really are (whom others really are) and what we hold onto that is no longer serving us.

Perhaps the classic example is in intimate relationships. It’s very common when you think you are in love to see the person the way you want them to be not the way they truly are.

Or you see them as WHOM you want them to be not who they really are.

Taking off THAT pair of rose-colored glasses often ends in divorce.

Assuming you are healthy emotionally and have dissolved your patterns and programs that are based in; Limiting Beliefs, Limiting Decisions, and Unresolved Past Negative Emotions around relationships such a fear, anger, resentment, guilt, grief etc then the next step is taking your time to get to REALLY know someone (yourself).

For this reason I am an advocate of long courtships. Initially we all put our best foot forward and then as time rolls on that becomes too much of an effort and the truth about us begins to show through. How can it not? We are who we are.

Our true patterns surface and reveal themselves in a relatively short period of time; usually around the three to six month mark, if not sooner.

Our layers of rose colored glasses allow the other partner to ‘maintain the façade’ long past the romance period and convince ourselves that our partner is a different person than who they really are.

Then at some point down the road; perhaps a year or a few, one day you wake up and think that your partner has changed…. they’ve become someone you don’t like, don’t know and can’t tolerate.

This is a huge projection that feels like a slap in the face when it comes back and reveals itself! It’s also a tremendous burden on the other person to agree to play the game with you and uphold your projection of them being someone they are not. No wonder there is anger and resentment between partners. Not to mention this is a great deal of work; and that energy could be better used to create a healthy relationship.

The question that begs asking is did they really change or did you just take off a pair of rose colored glasses?

It always fascinates me when one spouse accuses the other spouse of misrepresenting themselves. There are divorces filed on these grounds.

I suppose it can happen; one spouse can manipulate the other into believing they are something they are not; and then eventually the truth comes out.

But and I say but, how about if the spouse that claims being manipulated were to take more responsibility in truly observing their mate for the truth of who they are? Paying attention to the incongruencies instead of ignoring them. Taking responsibility instead of being the victim?

I would suggest the reason this doesn’t happen is because to truly observe and know another, one must first be truthful to oneself about oneself.

I don’t think people really change all that much unless they CHOOSE to do so. Who we are is imprinted into our Unconscious mind by about age three and from there our reality is a continuum of an out-picturing of that imprint.

After a few years of marriage, when one partner determines the other partner has changed then really reality has just set in and a pair of rose colored glasses have slid off; revealing who that person always was and will be unless they make a conscious effort to re invent themselves.

I’ve learned to consider intimate relationships….well, pretty much all relationships really as a personal growth workshop.

If you walk into each relationship asking yourself, “What am I learning about me through this relationship” you will grow immensely and have a deeper appreciation for that person in your life. You will be less of a victim and more apt to thank them at the level of the Higher Self for the mirror you are looking into.

As I have started to do this in my life over the last few years; it’s helped me to identify and release some patterns within me; primarily low self worth and some old unresolved self esteem issues.

By acknowledging that the relationship is for me to learn about me; I am better able to dissociate from the relationship and get the positive learnings.

Whether the relationship lives or dies becomes irrelevant. It’s ultimately my relationship with myself that has grown and healed more deeply from each relationship with another.

I prefer this perspective because then there is no need to tell the story about the other person and lament how they did me wrong, but rather an opportunity to release another pair of rose colored glasses from blocking my clarity about myself.

We have a set of filters hard wired into our Unconscious that aid us in chunking down information and data that comes at us 24/7.

It is said that over 4 billion bytes of information inundates us per second 24/7. We never really shut off taking in information, impressions, data etc.

This is far too much information for us to consciously make use of so we have filters that chunk it down for us into what’s been considered to be seven chunks of information – plus or minus 2. So, basically somewhere between five and nine chunks of information is utilized.

This is based upon studies performed by Miller and Galanter back in the 1960’s. Since then we, in the human behavior field, hypothesize it is more like the same one to two chunks. Back to that Unconscious pre-school imprint again!

You can imagine; getting 4 billion bytes chunked down to one to two chunks requires some pretty efficient filters; and they are:

Deletions: deleting data that we don’t think we need, don’t want to accept, don’t agree with, is similar to what we think we already know etc… A good example of this is when one forgets they said they would do something, or that they would handle something in a particular way. We all delete from time to time and this filter is not only a limitation; it can be very useful in creating alternate realities. An alternate reality might be an abused woman thinking that her husband loves her and will change if she stays. Or the person who can save the alcoholic spouse from themselves by staying in the relationship

Distorting: distorting data that we think is like something else, that we don’t want to accept, that is too painful to look at or accept…A good example of this is a fellow I dated some time ago. He had the most amazing blue eyes and the most incredible smile. I could only see the eyes and the smile and distorted my view of him to ignore all of the things about him that were a direct conflict with my values. No matter how blue the eyes, and no matter how beautiful the smile, there was no denying that for me the fitness buff and he the couch potato, the most fundamental of values were deeply conflicted. I had NO business being in that relationship channeling my energy into trying to change him! Poor guy; he wasn’t right for me from the get go. Or was he?! I learned so much about me!

Generalizing: lumping data into categories that are similar. Experiences and information could be generalized into our Unconscious filing system just because it has similar characteristics…whatever we find to be the easiest way to generalize. We can read something in the newspaper or hear something on the news and then determine that is the truth for everyone. A good example is if we hear about a pocket incident in the Middle East and then we determine it is the entire Middle East. Classic in society that if a person has a diploma; they are smart…or if they hold a high professional status like CEO that they are a success.

Each of these filters represents some pretty heavy duty rose colored glasses!

Since we’ve been using the context of intimate relationships to talk about the Rose Colored Glasses syndrome; let’s see how these three major filters show up in this vein.

Here is the scenario; you meet someone whom you think is just amazing. You want very much to be in a relationship and so you run the unconscious signals they are sending through your filters. As you do your need to not be alone or your need for external validation takes over and you unconsciously put your filters to work over time.

You delete information they are revealing through their non-verbal behavior, their tonality, their language patterns etc. You’ve just effectively put on a big pair of rose colored glasses to help you not see the truth about this person.

Or, You distort what they say and for example turn an insult into a joke. You laugh it off and make it funny when really it’s not a very nice comment at all. As the boundaries of your relationship are not well established; the insults increase in inappropriateness and you have to work harder and harder to distort the truth. But at this point you are in too deep and so just keep up the lie.

Or perhaps you Generalize the data into meaning something it doesn’t. I once had a client who had his heart broken by his ex-wife whom happened to have blonde hair.

He had generalized her into a belief that all blonde women aren’t loyal and so the woman he chose as his second wife was a brunette. He had convinced himself that this was the answer to his marital woes; yet for some strange reason he wasn’t happy in that marriage either.

Our Rose Colored Glasses….. How do your Rose Colored Glasses obscure you from you?

Deborah Peters is an International Executive Coach and Business Consultant with Neuro Engineering Institute. As part of NEI’s suite of services Deborah teaches trainings in Neuro Linguistic Programming to a wide variety of audiences. Deborah is a Professional Speaker and has delivered customized programs in over nine countries to date.

Deborah@nei-mind.com.

Re-Think Yourself II

admin — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 18:58:02 +0000

Re-think yourself, Re-Invent yourself, Change, Re-Create….very common phrases and concepts these days….and a must if you want a higher quality of life.

Having an insatiable curiosity for human behavior; since a little girl I’ve marveled at what drives people to do what they do.

What is the driver behind our experiences? That curiosity has led me through a personal journey that is has inspired an entire international business.

The mind is a powerful tool; we live by our thoughts and emotions; whether they be joyful or painful, whether they be lack or abundance, whether they be expansion or contraction; whether they be loneliness or LOVE

Always the projection gets mirrored back through experiences…..and the projection begins with a belief. Look at your experiences and you will easily identify your beliefs.

We are always in Manifestation….

I’m busy manifesting my way through Europe as I write this. After leading an Executive Roundtable in Copenhagen at the Off Shore Wind Energy Conference I manifested a contract with a German shipping company and spent two days in Hamburg being entertained to establish the relationship.

As I catch my breath on a clients classic sailing yacht in San Remo for the weekend each experience is a product of my internal representations.

We are all manifesting all the time; whether we realize it or not, or shall I say whether we take responsibility for it or not.

In my experience I have observed most people have a tendency to think when bad things happen to them they are a victim in some sense…. or circumstance, someone or someone else’s behavior.
Conversely when good things happen to them, the belief is that they are lucky.

Is this you?

This is a good starting point really; philosophically speaking, if you can now get your head around the concept that whatever is happening circumstantially now, is a product of yesterday’s beliefs.

For some, it’s an outpicturing of an internal representation of a belief. Visually(V) the individual holds a belief in their unconscious and then projects that belief onto the physical world; hence manifesting it through what they see as reality.

It is considered that 65% of the American population is highly visual; responding to visual impressions and creating experiences through their internal outpicturing.

Auditory-digitally (Ad), the individual holds a belief in their unconscious mind and projects it into reality through their self-talk. Ah, yes that pesky self talk. You know the inner dialogue that at times has you on your knees begging for mercy because you’ve beaten yourself up so badly over some irresponsible behavior or ridiculous comment.

Kinesthetically (K), the individual ‘feels’ themselves into hell or bliss. “”Going into State” is a powerful tool because I think emotion is the most rapid of manifesting tools available.

The Auditory process is in my opinion simply a condiment to the meal. Add some sound to your inner manifestation and you can truly ratchet up the experience to a new level. You might test this by playing a song from some time in your life when you felt immense joy or thrilling love and as you hear the words, melody and instruments…notice what comes up!? You might find yourself dancing about, in a state of love and joy.

Now let’s put them all together….after several visits to Roma; my bad timing was over and I attended the final performance of the Venetian Opera.

As I dressed for the event I imagined myself in a beautiful venue (the Anglican church on Via Nationale) surrounded by impeccably dressed handsome men and enchantingly beautiful women.

As I took my VIP seat ( it was a chair placed at the end of the pew, second row from the front) surrounded by tourists wearing trainers, jeans and fanny packs, I needed to ramp up my image (imagination) to fill in the gaps.

The performers embellished with their 16th century costumes and musical instruments. Their voices did the rest (pass the ketchup please).

As Act I rolled on, I closed my eyes and went there…to that exquisitely decorated ballroom in 16th century Venice. Wearing my most well appointed hand made Venetian gown, I was being whirled around the floor in a Venetian waltz with the most debonair of Italian Counts.

I was there….the tourists, church and Via Nazionale long lost, Venice was real for me in my mind. Ah, the romance!

Hearing the audience gasp brought me back into the room and as I opened my eyes there stood before me a handsome Italian Count (opera singer) with his hand extended, inviting me to dance.

The entire audience was staring at me and so I rose to the challenge.

We began down the isle toward the back of the church and from somewhere deep in my cellular structure relaxed into a Venetian waltz with my handsome Count.

As I felt him acknowledge within his mind that I was willing to play, he waltzed me back up the isle and into the main rotunda, while the performers continued the opera.

My multi sensory image had outpictured itself. It was a moment of magick to behold!

Prior to this experience I knew this was the key to creation, or in this case re-invention but I must declare, as I was swirled about the rotunda of the Anglican Church in Roma that crisp October evening, it became the mandate for my life.

I’ve taught and lived this mandate now for almost two decades. There is a formula for creating a new life for yourself and here are some basic steps you can play with:

• Define what you want
• Write it down – in present tense with multi sensory (V,A,K,Ad) detail
• Act – when the portal opens for the experience ACT on it.
• Refine your Self Talk – no room for negative thinking!
• Dedicate time daily to this process
• Change your circle of influence…engage people of like mind; release those who resist taking responsibility for their lives
• Love yourself – the key to creating an incredible life starts with Self Love
• Keep your goals/desired outcomes to yourself – talking about them releases the energy required for manifesting.
• Re-wire your Limiting Beliefs, Limiting Decisions and any Negative Emotions (fear, anger, sadness, resentment, grief) that are holding you back. There is a whole toolbox for this and the one I teach is Neuro Linguistic Programming.
• Move your body – find daily vigorous exercise that you enjoy and schedule it in like it’s your most endeared client.

The mind/emotion process is the key to Change, Growth and Expansion.

This is the time of the Mind. It’s power is infinite and like any skill, once mastered provides for you the conduit to a new life.

Deborah Peters is a Change Agent for Neuro Engineering Institute, located in Los Angeles, Ca. She works internationally providing Business Coaching, Consulting and Leadership Change processes to individual, mid-size and multi-national companies and governmental organizations.
She can be reached at Deborah@nei-mind.com.

Clients include: Arco Oil, The FBI, Epson America, KIA Motors, New Century Mortgage, Global Super Yacht Forum, Ships4Ever and many Peak Performers globally…. here’s what a few have to say:

Thank you Deborah; I feel like I’ve drank from your elixir of gold….Bernard/International Entrepreneur

Deborah….the tools you have taught me has given me the ability to truly realize my grandest dreams and goals….Linda/Real Estate Investor

These tools are not just for business; they are for life. The life I choose! Peter/Innovation

Relationships…..

admin — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 02:26:16 +0000

All Relationships are a mirror…

Men, and Women, in relationships must know their boundaries.

Knowing one’s boundaries is not gender specific. It’s necessary for each human being so they may have healthy relationships. And the first healthy relationship begins with one’s SELF.

When one is ‘conscious’ then one ‘attracts’ another that is conscious. Ladies, if you are finding yourself with a man that is less than loving, kind and generous with you, then know the relationship he has with himself is not healthy.

Also, ladies, it is time to take responsibility for the choices made. If you have “chosen” a guy that is unhealthy, see it as an opportunity to look at what is not healthy about your own relationship with yourself.

Then make a new choice, starting with choosing to get healthy, and eliminate all the unhealthy relationships in your life.

Having total congruence within oneself, is indicated by the choices we make, and at the earliest sign of being with a man who is dysfunctional (emotionally unhealthy), then choose to move on.

People do change, but not because we change them, but because they choose to change themselves. So, if you’re hanging in there waiting for him to change, then you’re really saying you don’t deserve anything better.

Remember, all relationships are a mirror.

WE MARRY OUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND; meaning all of our unresolved issues, like limiting decisions, limiting beliefs and negative emotions get mirrored back through our relationships….as do our positive aspects.

I have specialized in relationship work for years, and it always amazes me how couples choose each other. Less than 50% of the time, it’s from a healthy place, thus the divorce rate.

It’s become common place to state, “oh, it’s their first marriage”…instead of “oh, they are married”. The first statement presupposes it’s normal to have more than one marriage. The second statement presupposes the couple has made a conscious choices in choosing each other.

The rules are changing, as if we haven’t all noticed. Men WERE programmed to marry someone to take care of them, to replace their mothers, and women were programmed to marry someone to replace their fathers, by taking care of them economically.

Men have learned they too have emotions and want more than to be daddy deep pockets, and women have discovered they can earn equal or greater incomes. We are moving into a time where there is no more need for two incomplete individuals to union to create one whole.

Now, it’s about each person getting complete FIRST and then choosing to union with another who is also complete, so that an infinite path of growth can flourish.

It’s worth exploring where the concept of marriage originated, and how it’s original purpose/structure is an archaic concept, that simply doesn’t fit into current times. The church was founded to provide a method for “taxing” the people. People came to church to be “saved” and were then guilted into tithing, so that the church would be there for them next week (the lights had to be kept on somehow) to comes back to and be saved from their latest sins committed during the week.

Remember divorce was not an option. Many people stayed married because the church/state wouldn’t grant them divorce…or else society frowned u0pon it so badly, they were afraid. Many women had no means of supporting themselves even if they did leave, and the list goes on.

By encouraging the increase of the ‘family unit’ the coffers were fed. The concept of ‘til death do us part’ was invented in a time when people may only have a lifespan of 35-50 years. 50 was old age. The centur5ion population is the fastest growing segment of society today and that expanded life creates a whole new dynamic for relationships today.

Most importantly, not all unions are meant to be marriages, and secondly, many unions run their course before the couple hits old age. Thirdly, with the marriage not having a strong base or foundation, or the individuals too unhealthy within themselves, the appropriate tools are missing to overcome the challenges. And, most importantly, it’s just too easy to bail….

So, I implore you all, choose wisely, not to fill a void within you with the presence of another in your life….fill the void first and you’ll attract a partner of a much higher caliber, because that’s where you’ll be too.

In short, BE THE PERSON you seek to attract.

Launching Your Dreams, In Spite of the Odds

admin — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 19:08:17 +0000

I am so glad the elections are behind us. Living in California and listening to each candidate slam the other; the constant negativity was beyond words. I think this was the dirtiest election ever…

Why would I vote for someone whose entire platform is built around making the other guy look bad? That indicates to me that the candidate truly has nothing of value to offer in terms of what good they can bring to the state.

Not to mention their paradigm is a glass half empty paradigm, which does not build good will, positive energy or possibilities in others.

This to me is an indication that some (or many) are still white knuckling the old paradigm of yang energy…the competitive concept that believes there is a limited supply and we need to rush to get ours before someone else comes along and takes it all, so that we are left with nothing.

Certainly, it can be useful to have some resistance but controlling the masses with fear is definitely on its way out in terms of being effective.

This whole so called ‘recession’ is an example of that. More entrepreneurs have been born, more resiliencies have been developed and more self awareness has been cultivated due to the last couple of years of hard times.

I don’t believe for an instance that it is anything about a recession! I suppose as long as ‘we’ believe it’s about a recession or economics, then ‘we’ are always in effect of the situation around us.

This is where it is important to use the resistance to create elevation. I grew up on a farm in the Prairies and had little or no entertainment to keep my mind busy, so I created it from within. It was that or become dreadfully bored.

There were many elements to work through; weather conditions, solitude, poverty and the emotional violence in our home due to alcoholism.

So I found ways to develop my mind, to feed my spirit and to increase my emotional balance regardless of the external circumstances that I had seemingly no control of.

Most of that happened outdoors. I learned to adapt to the weather and no matter how cold, wet or hot I found an outdoor activity that enabled me to play, connect with God and to expand my awareness of the beauty of life.

My activities ranged from playing with my animals, from building things and one event in particular that truly fed my soul was flying my kite.

We learned to make kites in school but the winds on the prairies would rip them to shreds, much to my chagrin. Finally, one day not long after my dad had died, and we had moved back to the farm from staying at my Grandparents, I found myself in a store staring at the ceiling.

There, strung across the entire spance of the store’s ceiling was the most incredible kite I had ever laid eyes on.

It beckoned me to take it home, it was destined to be mine and it knew it was placed there just for me to find it. The rest of the customers in the store seemed oblivious to this magickal kite.

There is was, in all its splendor, colorful and exotic, calling my name, demanding that I rescue it from a life of mediocrity hanging from some ceiling, where the wind could not lift it into the wild untamed sky, aching to be free from all the loneliness it was ensconced in just hanging there all by itself. Oh my, it reminded me of me!

I know in that moment that somehow, someway I had to convince my Grandfather to buy me that kite. I would never rest until it was under my arm headed back to our farm where there were endless fields and endless sky to launch it.

As usual it took some work to get agreement for the expenditure.

There always seemed to be this issue around spending any money…I understood we had a limited budget that was dependent upon the weather producing the crops required to support us, that is not my point.

It was the energy around the USE of money that was hard to deal with. It was tied to worth…like we weren’t supposed to want nice things because we weren’t worth having them. Wow, that’s a blog in and of itself. The emotional connection to the use and flow of money….lets see maybe that will surface here.

What is interesting, which I think all children know is that he who is most committed to the outcome, always wins.

Let me tell you I was VERY committed to the outcome of owning that kite. And so I did!

When I reflect on ALL the things I’ve manifested in my life, I must say that they have ALL come about due to my commitment to have them manifest.

I see a pattern of being in alignment with my desired outcomes at such a deep level they just had to come to me; I was/am such a powerful magnet.

Please keep in mind; this is true of everyone on the planet. Whatever we are “aligned to” within ourselves, is what we attract.

Hmmm…perhaps that is what this global shift that we find ourselves in is truly all about…and it’s not a recess(ion) at all, but rather a Quantum Leap toward owning our Personal Power!

Even the shit that I didn’t want to have happen, but obsessed about all of the time, happened! Don’t you just hate that? This means when we take responsibility for where we are at mentally and emotionally then we can really change our manifestations!

I left that store with that kite. It was magnificent! It was pinks and purples and had a diamond shape. Much like the head of a rattle snake…or more accurately a dragon! And the tail was at least 25 feet long!

That kite became the source of endless hours of joy for me. I mastered launching it by myself very quickly. Kinda like I mastered riding my two wheeler on the dirt road through all the lumps and ruts too.

I am fascinated about how the resistance of the roads increased the need for determination to stay upright and the increased strength it required to propel the bike.

The wind provided this for my kite! We had a grove of trees that circled our farm yard on two sides, providing protection from the cold winter winds and drifting snow.

I found the perfect spot outside of that grove in the field to launch my kite. As I write this I realize it was a portal in the dimensions to connect to the Universe on a spiritual level.

The kite did not fly alone! I was in the kite, flying high and strong against the wind!

It became such an adventure for me that my entire family and our hired help became enchanted by my relationship with the wind and the kite. The magick of the adventure had unwittingly enrolled them.

When I launched it so high that the kite string could not withstand the power of the resistance of the wind, back to the store we all went, the adults eager this time to buy me stronger string.

They too were being set free in the wind. It was like all of the pain and troubles of life was being blown away and the resistance of the wind, was providing them too with a realization that they could “rise above their beliefs” and through the resistance of their beliefs, the kite gave them permission to let go.

I was provided with the largest double handle spindle that was available to manage the greatest length of string possible. My mother, my grandparents and our hired help had sat around the kitchen table repeatedly discussing what they could buy for me that would enable me to launch my kite further into the sky, and for the longest periods of time.

Suddenly, money was not an issue, nor was it necessary to subjugate myself emotionally to have them spend the money on something that wasn’t a dire necessity.

Armed with industrial strength string that was almost a small rope, a double handled spindle with a locking mechanism and at least a mile of string, I headed out in the cold windy spring days and took my kite – and my mind – to the sky.

I flew with that kite, I put it into the air so high at times it was difficult to see. The wind provided the necessary resistance for the kite to stay aloft.

I learned to read the wind patterns to determine how high I could fly and for how long. There was an old disc parked in the field and so when I needed a break from the strain on my little arms and hands, I would tie the spindle to the disc.

I could sit on the dirt and fly with the kite, strong against the resistance of the wind and I could do it for hours, with no expenditure of energy required from me.

I had found the source of how all things work in the Universe. To simply put my kite into the sky, let the wind take it higher and further than I could ever take it on my own and then to let it go. No effort was required by me once I launched it….the intention behind my DREAMS that is.

As I write this I find myself weeping for the little girl that regardless how hard her environment was around her, she knew it wasn’t HER.

It was someone else’s projection of their beliefs and realities based upon their programming.

She knew there was no need to internalize it, because she created her own reality with her kite. The Universe is always responding to our requests; for as Einstein said “For every action there is an equal or greater reaction”.

The intention of owning and flying my kite was the action and the support and fulfillment of my intention was that of the wind and the endless sky to fulfill the intention….my personal interpretation of God.

What intentions are YOU projecting?

Re-Think Yourself

admin — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 16:21:57 +0000